The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
