i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
