Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
