new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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