Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
