And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
