What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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