What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
