I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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