So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
