He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
