oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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