Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
