went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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