Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize