Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The uberlube is also flammable
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
