were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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