His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
