remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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