I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
