My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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