Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
