My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
