New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
