I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm jealous of your bromance
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
