He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
