first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
