Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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