dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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