Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
