Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
