I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
