I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
