I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize