I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
