I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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