he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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