She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
