A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
