I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize