it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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