I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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