you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
