True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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