No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
