hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She announced her abortion via fbk
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
