erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize