I am spending my child support on dildos
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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