the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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