you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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