She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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