so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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