Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
