Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
