it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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