Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
