how can u be prego again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
