I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
