How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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