no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
