Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
