we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
