i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize