i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
