i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
