I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize