Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
