I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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