Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
