yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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