...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize