Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
