i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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