Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
