your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
