Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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