i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
