it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
