I wish I could teleport
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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