Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
