Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
