I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
