I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Text me some of your sweat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
