You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
