um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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