then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
