why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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