well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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