You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize