That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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