my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
