I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
