oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
