Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
