What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize