my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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