I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize