from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
