You can't special order awesome
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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