god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
