Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
