Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
