So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
