Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
