I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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