im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize