Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
