you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
