I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
